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Crappy Car of the Month: Dodge Diplomat

Posted September 2, 2008

Nineteen-seventy-seven — it was a good year for music and film, but not for cars. Burt Reynolds' Trans Am may made a name for itself outrunning Buford T. Justice, but in the midst of Mopar's comatose state during that time, the Diplomat was introduced — soon to become the top dog in Dodge's lineup.

Let's be honest: In retrospect, it was no 3-series. In fact, it hardly passes for modern transportation. Its boxy bodywork means aerodynamics were an afterthought, and the waterfall grille looked hopelessly dated by the end of the '80s. Powertrain choices were even more disappointing: By the time it met its demise in 1990, the only V-8 you could get in a civilian version was a mild 318. Not that the 360 (only offered for a few years, and that was for police work) was much to brag about. Even with the wildest engine, you won't get anywhere near 200 horsepower. Multilink IRS? Forget about it. You made due with leaf springs and a live axle. Let's just say you shouldn't expect much from a vehicle derived from the Aspen/Volare disasters.

To be fair, the Diplomat (and its cousins, the Chrysler Fifth Avenue and Plymouth Grand Fury) were reasonably solid, considering Detroit's quality slide during the Me Decade. The cheap, yet sturdy foundation made them popular with cops, as you don't necessarily want a limp-wristed K-car when you're trying to pit the bad guys.

The Diplomat underscores a critical fault with Detroit: Selling lousy cars way past their shelf lives. It exists in a vacuum outside sex appeal. Ford's been offering its fleet-darling Crown Vic for the past 30 years — a car that's had little demand elsewhere. These vehicles get few updates over their lifetimes, and when they do, they're virtually unnoticeable. I know that there will always be a need for cheaply produced fleet cars, and that will no doubt keep the Crown Vic on life support for a few more years — at least. But let's hope Dodge's fine, new Charger doesn't succumb to mediocrity.

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