It’s never too late to teach old dogs new tricks. With that in mind, I’m testing whether it is in fact too late to teach a 25-year-old writer how to play guitar. I’m a late bloomer, it’s true, but I guess it’s better to do it late than not at all.

My guitar instructor sold me his Fender Stratocaster in late May, and I’ve been forging ahead with lessons and practice on my own time. The results have been pretty decent, but I’m nowhere near good enough to play a complete song for anyone.

Playing while standing up? Don’t make me laugh. Playing while singing? I think this is impossible.

But I’m not here to drone on and on about what a great guitarist I am. This is not due to the fact that this is an Internet column, but simply because I am a terrible guitarist. But once again, the online community has come through for me and helped me learn how to play guitar.

If you’re in the same boat as I am and need to find the guitar tabs for Metallica’s “One” before you complete anything else on your to-do list, then head to ultimate-guitar.com, where you’ll undoubtedly find it. Not only does this site have guitar tabs, it also has constantly updated music reviews and news.

But beware my struggling axe man! This site, much like the invaluable Wikipedia, is user updated, meaning these guitar tabs could be terribly wrong. So before you go trying to rock out, take these tabs with a grain of salt and go over them with someone who knows what they’re doing. I tried playing Soundgarden’s “Fell on Black Days” for a week before realizing the tab was completely wrong.

Sure, going from “Mary had a Little Lamb” to Soundgarden was a stretch, but I play a version of “Mary had a Little Lamb” that will melt your face off.

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/

Now that the Olympics are over, let’s examine the games to determine what they say about our country’s place in the international community and what they say about sportsmanship and human relations in general. We can do that or we can take a look at Beijing Olympic bloopers.

Yeah, I’m more in the mood for bloopers, too. There was no shortage of funny occurrences at this year’s Olympics. Most came during the opening ceremony before the games even began, but for a full look at the technical hiccups, misunderstood racism and ugly girls with beautiful voices, follow the link below.

And just so you know, I want Shawn Johnson to be my kid sister. I want to fold her up and put her in my pocket because she’s so cute. Is 16 years old too late to adopt?

http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/beijingolympics/archive/2008/08/14/olympic-oops-stories-behind-the-stories.aspx

Here are some more Olympic bloopers set to zany music and organized according to sport. Granted, some of these didn’t even come from the Olympics, but the theme is clear and the laughs are real. I can honestly say I’ve never seen a pole vault look so painful. No, the pole is not supposed to end up there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrtV2hDdOTQ

URBAN DICTIONARY WORD OF THE DAY

Guitar (n.) – Starship used this instrument to make the music that inspired the building of this city.