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Oh, let us count the bad superhero flicks

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This has turned out to be the summer of love for superhero movie geeks, with fanboys and fangirls alike feeling their hearts go thumpity-thump over “The Dark Knight” (supposedly magnificent), “Iron Man” (terrific), “Hellboy 2: The Golden Army” (also terrific), “The Incredible Hulk” (good) and “Hancock” (not bad).

But for every graphic novel/comic book that makes a dazzling transformation to the silver screen there are many (too many, in fact) which belong on the celluloid garbage heap.

Here’s one nerd’s opinion of the five worst superhero movies of the modern era:

5. “Spider-Man 3” (2007): All of Sam Raimi’s goodwill from Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2 were lost with this overblown mess. Red flags should go up anytime a superhero flick decides to showcase multiple villains, but throw in Peter Parker dancing and sporting the Emo look and M.J. singing — twice — well, that’s more than any audience should have to suffer through.

4. “Hulk” (2003): Not to be confused with this summer’s fine reboot of the Mean Greenie, award-winning director Ang Lee took the subject matter way, way too seriously and tried to turn an origin story into a Greek tragedy. Instead, it was just a tragedy.

3. “Steel” (1997): Shaquille O’Neal as a costumed superhero makes as much sense as putting Roseanne in a bikini — it’s not just unsightly but mildly disturbing. Shaq should stick to free-style rapping and missing free throws.

2. “Catwoman” (2004): Halle Berry is a drop-dead gorgeous woman and gifted actress, winning an Oscar for her fabulous work in “Monster’s Ball.” For that reason I forgive her for a movie that was obviously written (in crayon) by someone who had been drinking heavily for several days without benefit of sleep. Catwoman’s costume gets three and a half stars, though.

1. “Batman and Robin” (1997): Batman’s body armor had nipples. Robin’s body armor had nipples. Alicia Silverstone played Batgirl. The governor of California was Mr. Freeze. Uma Thurman, obviously needing money, vamped it up as Poison Ivy.

Joel Schumacher, who has done a nice job adapting John Grisham novels to the silver screen, should be banned from ever making a movie about superheroes again.

This flick was so bad that when it ended I went to the ticket booth and demanded everyone’s money back.

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