I’m ashamed to say I watched part of the MTV Video Music Awards a week ago. Let me preface by saying I didn’t want to; my girlfriend dragged me kicking and screaming into the living room and made me watch this assembly line of bad musicians and fake people.

The only thing I can salvage from this torture is the appearance of Christina Aguilera. I can’t say I’ve ever heard one of her songs, but I think she is fantastic. Unlike Britney, she’s a professional and not a media whore. Also, after viewing the “Dirrty” video, I think she’s the type of girl you would want to take home to mom.

Other than that half-Ecuadorian, half-Irish eye candy, the VMAs seemed thrown together and most of the time the presenters and guest stars appeared to have no idea of what they were supposed to be doing. Demi Moore looked particularly out of place. Perhaps her and Ashton Kutcher’s agents got things mixed up and Kutcher was elsewhere doing a commercial for early onset incontinence.

The host, Russell Brand, did everything in his power to make things somewhat entertaining by making fun of the Jonas Brothers’ promise rings, but these attempts have subsequently blown up in his face. Even British comedy doesn’t stand a chance in the face of a teen girl’s sexual frustrations.

For the play-by-play, check out this VMAs live blog, where the blogger waded through every agonizing minute of the show and reported back, often to hilarious effect. Me? I got out of the room after Aguilera performed when I politely explained to the girlfriend that I needed to experience something less painful.

It was at this point in the night that I brushed my teeth with an electric belt sander.

http://www.prefixmag.com/news/vmas-2008-live-blog/21307/

If you want to comment on this story and my hatred for the VMAs please feel free, but you might want to check out this checklist of “The 8 Most Obnoxious Internet Commenters” and make sure you’re not one of them. The list includes the Non-Believer, who calls everything on the Internet fake, and the political activist, who usually turns out to be a collegiate idiot who feels the need to badger everyone with their newfound political beliefs.

This list can not only be applied to most online Web sites, but to the commenters who posted comments on the story about “The 8 Most Obnoxious Internet Commenters.” The very subjects of the article proved the author right.

Now we just need to revisit the Zune versus iPod debates and reveal those idiots for what they truly are. By the way, if you feel the need to comment on how wrong I am about the VMAs, please feel free. Just be aware that all your comments will be wrong.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16605_8-most-obnoxious-internet-commenters.html

Finally, if you haven’t heard about Stephen Colbert’s plan to launch his DNA into space for future generations and space aliens, please read about it. I personally believe we should send Jay Leno’s DNA, but not for future generations. We just need to get as much of it off the Earth as possible.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gbNDjdjb9qGJB7gvcaitbZucYcTgD932BH980

URBAN DICTIONARY WORD OF THE DAY

Russell Brand (n.) — Well, never mind; no one’s probably going to be using this noun after his performance at the VMAs.